The rain that had stolen the sun from the early July day continued to hammer on the roof, each drop sounding like the ping of a BB gun pellet. Perfect, I thought. It matches how I feel. Goodness knew I had every reason in the world to be cheerful. I mean, it wasn’t like some sort of tragedy had happened, or someone I knew was in the hospital.
No, from outside standards, my life looked nearly perfect. And it was. Except for one thing.
This would be the first year that I watched the fireworks without him. I attempted to push the thought away, but to no avail. I was glad mom and my sister had decided to go on a spontaneous shopping trip.I was alone at the house. That way there was no one around to see me cry.
It was funny how you could miss someone so much.
The phone rang, interrupting my moody thoughts. Sniffing to get my tears under control, I swiped a hand across my cheeks before answering the phone. Not sure why; it wasn’t like anyone could see me through the phone.
I slid across the screen to answer, hardly glancing at the number. The ringtone already informed me who was calling; I had a different one for each contact.
“Hey, Jana.”
“Lauren! Hey!” Jana’s perky voice sounded through the microphone. “How are you doing?”
I cleared my throat, willing my voice to sound clear. “Oh, I’m doing okay.”
There was a pause. And then, “Okay? What is it? Spill.”
I made a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. My bestie knew me too well. Still, though. I didn’t need to make my problems become hers. I shrugged and lowered myself onto the sofa. “Nothing much. The rain is affecting me and not in the best way.”
Once again there was a pause, stretching longer this time. “Jana? You there?” This wouldn't be the first time the weather had messed with my cell phone reception.
“It’s him, isn’t it?”
Rats. She knew me too well. My eyes traveled out the window to the huge tree that graced our front lane. “Yeah.”
“I should have known.” the voice grew muffled, and I could almost see the frown in her next words. “You should have called me.”
I smiled and twirled a strand of my straw colored hair around the finger of my free hand. I never could sit totally still. “Maybe.”
“But?”
“But I already bother you enough as it is and I’m pretty sure you’re tired of hearing about the guy.” I knew that if the places were reversed, I’d probably have tired of it a while ago.
Jana snorted. “Hogwash. Fred is deployed, honey. Maybe I don’t love a soldier, but I can imagine just how hard that would be on a person. It’s been months since you’ve seen him. And around this time of year…” Her voice trailed off and I could hear something jingling on the other end of the line. Something that sounded like keys. “Hey, Lauren, I’m gonna come by and see you, okay?”
“Oh, no, Jana, you don’t--”
“Hush child. I’m on my way. Be there in twenty minutes or so.”
There was a click and the line went dead. I pulled the phone away from my ear with a smile. Jana was amazing.
As I slid the phone back into my pocket, her words repeated themselves in my head Around this time of year…
The tears I had managed to keep back threatened to come again. This time of year. July. Independence day. Summer. The million and one memories I had of us came alive without warning. The days we’d spent together, just enjoying our time. Talking by the creek. Watching corny movies I still couldn’t believe he’d talked me into watching. Playing games with his two siblings and my sister until we’d either gotten too tired to play, or his brother managed to win.
All the happy memories. Before his family moved three hours away. Before he joined the service, went off to training, and got deployed.
I stood and walked to the kitchen, getting out two cups. One for Jana and one for me. Then I pulled out the pitcher of sweet tea and set it on the counter beside them. That was all she ever wanted when she came. Some of mama’s good, old fashioned sweet tea. I had to admit, it wa pretty amazing. And Fred had loved it, too.
I hadn't heard from him in so long. Sometimes I felt I would give almost anything just to get a message from him. And it didn’t have to be long. A, “Hey, I've been thinking about you.” would be worth far more then its weight in gold. I sighed. I had known what I was getting into when we started dating. But it didn’t make it any easier.
---
Jana's visit was everything I needed. She had a way of cheering me up and making me forget for a little while that Fred wasn’t here. Everyone needed a friend like her.
“Hey, do you have any plans for the 4th?”
She had finished her tea and sat beside me on the sofa, twirling her empty glass in her hands. I shrugged. “We’re gonna have hamburgers and such.Dad’s gonna do them on the grill Let off a few fireworks. Something small.”
“I have an idea!” She reached over and put a hand on my knee, and I held back a smile. She was nearly bouncing with enthusiasm.
“You can come celebrate with us! We’re gonna have a bunch of people from our church over, and it’ll be an amazing time!”
I almost shook my head to dismiss the thought, but hesitated. What was there to keep me from going? We alway celebrated early, anyway. There would be plenty of time for me to get over to Jana’s house before the fireworks started.
I felt a grin lifting the sides of my face. “Sure, that sounds fun.”
“Oh, yes!” Jana pumped her fist in the air as if she had just won an important argument, and tucked a loose strand of her brown hair behind her ear. “This is gonna be so much fun!”
I laughed, and for the first time all day, I felt light. Maybe it would be fun. Fred wouldn't be there, but Jana was bound to make it a day I wouldn't forget.
On impulse, I reached over and gave her a hug. “I love you, girl.”
I felt her arms go around me and she gave me a squeeze. “Love you, bestie.”
---
I felt as if I had stepped into a whole different world when I arrived at Jana’s house. Their place sat at the edge of town, and they had several acres around their house. Patriotic music played in the background, loud enough to be heard across the whole of their expansive yard.
Jana must have seen me pull in, and she left the crown and hurried over, giving me a quick hug. “You came! I was half afraid you’d decide not to.”
I snickered as I locked the car behind me. “I’m not that much of an introvert. I do enjoy get togethers every once in a while.”
“Mhm.” Jana didn’t seem convinced, and I lightly cuffed her shoulder. “Hush. I’m here.”
“I know.” She linked her arm in mine and gave me a smile. “And I couldn't be happier. Come on, we’re just about to start the fireworks!”
She pulled me through the crowd of people, some I knew and some I didn’t. We attended different churches, but it seemed that somehow everyone in this town was connected.
A moment later we’re standing near the front--A bit too close, in my opinion. But I knew Jana loved getting as close as possible.
Moment’s after we arrived, her dad and a few other guys from the church let off the first round of fireworks. The bright colors light up the night sky, exploding in colors too vibrant for words.
Behind me I can hear everyone exclaiming over the beauty, but different thoughts run through my head. I close my eyes and listen. Is this what it sounds like overseas, where Fred is? Are these the kinds of sounds he has to face every day, knowing that unlike our fun celebration, the sounds could kill him?
The thought seems to wrap its fingers around my chest and I take a deep breath. God, keep him safe.
“Did you start the party without me?”
The voice is close behind me, and my eyes fly open at the words. That voice...I turned and met Jana’s gaze, and her eyes are every bit as wide as mine. Hardly daring to let myself hope, I turn the rest of the way till I can see whos behind me.
And for a moment, I can’t move.
He’s standing there in his uniform, giving me a ridiculous smirk, his eyes alight with mischief. “What? I can’t surprise my best girl on the 4th?”
“Fred!” I throw my arms around his neck, and his own arms go around me. I hear him chuckle. “Happy Independence day, Lauren.”
I don’t answer, only hold him tighter, as if I’m never gonna let him go. This is where I feel safe. This is home. In his arms.
I suddenly remember that there are people around watching us, but at the moment I couldn't care less. “You’re home.”
I loosen my grip and step back, tears shimmering in my eyes. Against my will, they spill down my cheeks.
The look on his face suddenly softens, and he reaches down to brush them away. “I am, baby girl. I am.”
Nothing could describe the way I felt. As the fireworks started I tucked my hand in his arm and rested my head against his shoulder.
This would be an Independence day I remembered forever.
