How are you feeling?

*Just a slight warning. This post has been on my heart for the past couple weeks and is kinda all over the place so I apologize in advance* 

 I hate that question more then anything in the world. 

Emotions. Feelings.

I don't like them. I never have. They're so abstract and confusing. They're not tangible. You can't touch them and fix the problem. You have to put a word to a feeling, and those feelings are different for everyone. And just when you think you've finally gotten it figured out, you realize you haven't even scratched the surface. 

Anger: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. So in order to feel anger you are also feeling annoyance and displeasure. 

Happy: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. So if you're happy, you're also feeling pleasure and contentment. 

One feeling is wrapped up in a thousand others, and to find the right words to try and pinpoint the exact feeling or emotions you're experiencing is exhausting. 

Each definition and feeling has within itself yet another emotion. It's like a tangled strand that cannot be unwound. One leads to another and yet another, and you've still not figured out exactly that one feeling you're struggling to put into words. It's the most frustrating thing in the world. And if you can't even understand what you're feeling, how the heck are you going to be able to tell someone else? 

I think one of the most difficult things in the world is trying to get someone to understand how you feel, but not being able to convey the depth of what your feeling. And the second most difficult is trying, desperately trying, to understand how someone feels, but being unable to. 

I have a Pinterest board I've titled Feelings with No Words. It's for everything you can feel and relate to, but just can't seem to find the word for. It's full of the kind of pins where you read the sentence and you feel something. But you don't know what to call it because there isn't a single word that properly sums it up. 

And as I've been thinking about and pondering all this, it hit me how blessed we are that we don't have to limit our emotions and feelings to a word. We can use whole chapters and books to describe and paint a picture for others, using the beautiful gift of language to convey what a single word fails to. (Yup, ended my sentence in a proposition. Don't point it out. xD) 

If you're anything like me, feelings are terrifying. Because you feel so deeply that the very act of feeling seems to crush you. So you push them aside. You don't sort through your emotions. You pretend you don't feel. It's easier. People ask and you say "fine". They are used to it and don't press. Life seems great. Until some small, insignificant thing tips the balance and suddenly the feelings you shoved aside become a wave that threatens to drown you. It topples over you until you feel as if you can hardly breathe because of their raw intensity and strength. 

"I'm Fine" I'm not. Please see that I'm not...

"I don't want to talk about it" I do but I'm terrified of what might happen... 

"Don't touch me." If you do I'll shatter into a thousand pieces...

"Leave me alone." Please don't. Please care enough to stay...

Sometimes I wonder why people feel differently from each other. Why the way we deal with emotions is so vastly varied. And I can't find an answer. Instead I only wonder that the same God created each and every one of us, and each and every one is unique. 

In all this I started to wonder what the Bible said about feelings and emotions. 

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

There's a time for everything. A time for crying and a time for laughter. A time to hold someone and a time to sit back and just let them be. A time to keep hold of things and a time to let them go. A time to speak up, and a time to just let silence rest in the air for a while. A time to love, and a time to hate. 

And not a one of those is condemned. 

There is a time for every single feeling under the sun. Because feelings in and of themselves aren't wrong. It's what we decide to do with them that makes the difference. It's okay to feel. And it's okay to feel deeply. 

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

God has made everything beautiful. Everything. And that includes feelings and emotions. For whatever reason I may never be able to comprehend, God created our feelings and emotions for good. 

That includes the times when we can't do anything but cry. The times when the world seems perfect and we can't stop smiling. And the times when we don't know what or how to feel, and we end up crying and laughing at the same time as our mind scrambles to determine exactly what emotions are vying for mastery. 

Feelings and emotions are God given, but if not brought under control they can do far more harm then good. Someone once described the battle of emotions inside someone like a storm out at sea, and I can't think of a more apt description. They're a thing of beauty and strength, but they can also be incredibly dangerous. They cause us to stand in awe of them, while also warning us to tread carefully. 

Emotions are beautiful. I'm ... still not at the point where I can say I wholeheartedly agree with that statement but I know, it's true. I know I'll never fully understand them, and that will always frustrate me. But I'm getting to the point where I can accept them and see their good. They add a color and flavor, a depth to life that we wouldn't have apart from them. 

He hath made everything beautiful in his time. 

And that includes our feelings. Don't push them aside. Don't try and ignore them. Don't write them off as unimportant. Instead, embrace them. Remember, they're God given. Let yourself get lost in trying to understand them. It's a journey you'll never be able to complete, but it'll be worth every stop along the way. <3 

So. How are you feeling today? 

9/11/2001

“Time is passing. Yet, for the United States of America, there will be no forgetting September the 11th. We will remember every rescuer who died in honor. We will remember every family that lives in grief. We will remember the fire and ash, the last phone calls, the funerals of the children.” — George W. Bush

Where were you nineteen years ago?

I was three years old. Too young to know what was happening, but old enough to know that something wasn’t right. 

-2,184 Civilians 

-343 Members of the NYC Fire Department - Firefighters, EMTs, Paramedics 

-71 Law Enforcement officers 

-8 EMTs and Paramedics from private hospital units 

. . . Never saw the sun set on September 11th. 

Another shift, another day,

Nothing seems amiss.

The coffee’s hot, the morning’s young, 

I give my wife a kiss. 

Then suddenly the world turns grey,

The color disappears. 

As from above they descend, 

Achieving our worst fears. 

I grab my gear, don’t hesitate,

Jump into the truck.

While others flee we press on,

But I fear we are too late.

I didn’t make it out that day,

I never went back home,

Never saw the sun set,

As it dipped beneath the bay.

I ran toward the rubble willingly, 

I'd do it all again,

to help those who are hurting, 

with no thought of earthly gain. 

I only ask that you remember,

That you never let yourself forget. 

How you felt that day in September,

When the land we love was attacked. 

There are a handful of blogs posting today in honor of 9/11. Be sure and check out all their posts. 

Never forget. 

Soldier Girl Stories 

Life of Heritage 

Stories by Firefly 

Photos by Abby Rose

Maidens for Modesty 

Twin Thoughts 

The Heart of the Rose 

Books, Life, and Christ 

Beautiful Things 

Amanda Tero 

“Now, we have inscribed a new memory alongside those others. It’s a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning. But not only of loss and mourning. It’s also a memory of bravery and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend―even a friend whose name it never knew.” — George W. Bush

Cover Reveal!

 September 2nd, 1945.

Sailors lined the deck of the U.S.S Missouri as it lay at anchor in Tokyo Bay, surrounded by more then two-hundred and fifty warships. The sweet notes of the Star Spangled Banner drifted across the bay as the ceremony got underway, providing the backdrop for the historic moment.

 The atmosphere was thick with expectation and tension as the representatives for each allied nation faced the Japanese leaders. On two tables that had been set out on the deck lay the documents that would end the most devastating war in human history. 

As the signatures were finished and the ceremony came to a close, the sun broke through the clouds that had been hovering overhead and bathed the bay in its bright, warm, rays. As the Japanese were escorted off the deck, the sky above them came to life with a roar as U.S. aircraft flew overhead. They were so low the sky seemed to turn black. A cheer rose up, first from the men aboard the Missouri, but echoing around the bay as the ships in the harbor joined the celebration. 

Seventy-five years ago, WWII officially came to an end. 

When I first started working on this book, I wanted to publish it on September 2nd, for the 75th anniversary of WWII. Then life intervened and I wasn't able to spend the time I wanted to on this book to get it done soon enough to be published in September. 

But I still wanted to do something special on the 2nd. So ... the cover reveal! I meant, what better way to celebrate the end of the war then by revealing the cover of a book that deals with it? So without any further ado ...

*squeals* Isn't it perfect? It's exactly what I had hoped for and it turned out ever so beautiful! And it's fits the story so well. <3 

Okinawa, 1945

Two brothers. Two Separate Paths.

A Navy corpsman assigned to the Marines, Jess Walker’s world is shaken as he struggles to aid the men around him. But the battlefield isn’t his hardest challenge. The nagging memory of how he lost his brother weighs on him, serving as a constant reminder of his failure. War has no mercy for anyone and Jess isn’t sure he can survive the war inside. As his world comes crashing down around him, he struggles to believe there is a future beyond the pain. 

Clay Walker has moved on from the life he once lived. A successful Marine pilot, he wants nothing to do with his family and the God he left behind. Japan is on the brink of surrender when his unit is shipped off to Okinawa, and it’s there that Clay is forced to realize his past is not as deeply buried as he thought. Faced with heavy losses and questions without answers, Clay has a choice to make. Is he willing to step back and let God take the controls? Or is it too late for a second chance? 

As WWII rages, the two brothers must face their demons — or be lost to the burning world around them.

Coming November 11th

There are some super sweet girls joining me in the cover reveal so be sure and check out their posts! If there's not a link after their name it's because they're posting on Instagram - so be sure and check out their IG accounts!

Kassie Angle - Soldier Girl Stories

Abigail McKenna

Kaitlyn Krispense

Faith Potts - Stories by Firefly

Abigail Harris - Read, Review, Rejoice

Ryana Lynn - Life of Heritage

Deborah Cook

Brooklyne Elysse - Showers of Blessings