How are you feeling?

*Just a slight warning. This post has been on my heart for the past couple weeks and is kinda all over the place so I apologize in advance* 

 I hate that question more then anything in the world. 

Emotions. Feelings.

I don't like them. I never have. They're so abstract and confusing. They're not tangible. You can't touch them and fix the problem. You have to put a word to a feeling, and those feelings are different for everyone. And just when you think you've finally gotten it figured out, you realize you haven't even scratched the surface. 

Anger: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. So in order to feel anger you are also feeling annoyance and displeasure. 

Happy: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. So if you're happy, you're also feeling pleasure and contentment. 

One feeling is wrapped up in a thousand others, and to find the right words to try and pinpoint the exact feeling or emotions you're experiencing is exhausting. 

Each definition and feeling has within itself yet another emotion. It's like a tangled strand that cannot be unwound. One leads to another and yet another, and you've still not figured out exactly that one feeling you're struggling to put into words. It's the most frustrating thing in the world. And if you can't even understand what you're feeling, how the heck are you going to be able to tell someone else? 

I think one of the most difficult things in the world is trying to get someone to understand how you feel, but not being able to convey the depth of what your feeling. And the second most difficult is trying, desperately trying, to understand how someone feels, but being unable to. 

I have a Pinterest board I've titled Feelings with No Words. It's for everything you can feel and relate to, but just can't seem to find the word for. It's full of the kind of pins where you read the sentence and you feel something. But you don't know what to call it because there isn't a single word that properly sums it up. 

And as I've been thinking about and pondering all this, it hit me how blessed we are that we don't have to limit our emotions and feelings to a word. We can use whole chapters and books to describe and paint a picture for others, using the beautiful gift of language to convey what a single word fails to. (Yup, ended my sentence in a proposition. Don't point it out. xD) 

If you're anything like me, feelings are terrifying. Because you feel so deeply that the very act of feeling seems to crush you. So you push them aside. You don't sort through your emotions. You pretend you don't feel. It's easier. People ask and you say "fine". They are used to it and don't press. Life seems great. Until some small, insignificant thing tips the balance and suddenly the feelings you shoved aside become a wave that threatens to drown you. It topples over you until you feel as if you can hardly breathe because of their raw intensity and strength. 

"I'm Fine" I'm not. Please see that I'm not...

"I don't want to talk about it" I do but I'm terrified of what might happen... 

"Don't touch me." If you do I'll shatter into a thousand pieces...

"Leave me alone." Please don't. Please care enough to stay...

Sometimes I wonder why people feel differently from each other. Why the way we deal with emotions is so vastly varied. And I can't find an answer. Instead I only wonder that the same God created each and every one of us, and each and every one is unique. 

In all this I started to wonder what the Bible said about feelings and emotions. 

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

There's a time for everything. A time for crying and a time for laughter. A time to hold someone and a time to sit back and just let them be. A time to keep hold of things and a time to let them go. A time to speak up, and a time to just let silence rest in the air for a while. A time to love, and a time to hate. 

And not a one of those is condemned. 

There is a time for every single feeling under the sun. Because feelings in and of themselves aren't wrong. It's what we decide to do with them that makes the difference. It's okay to feel. And it's okay to feel deeply. 

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

God has made everything beautiful. Everything. And that includes feelings and emotions. For whatever reason I may never be able to comprehend, God created our feelings and emotions for good. 

That includes the times when we can't do anything but cry. The times when the world seems perfect and we can't stop smiling. And the times when we don't know what or how to feel, and we end up crying and laughing at the same time as our mind scrambles to determine exactly what emotions are vying for mastery. 

Feelings and emotions are God given, but if not brought under control they can do far more harm then good. Someone once described the battle of emotions inside someone like a storm out at sea, and I can't think of a more apt description. They're a thing of beauty and strength, but they can also be incredibly dangerous. They cause us to stand in awe of them, while also warning us to tread carefully. 

Emotions are beautiful. I'm ... still not at the point where I can say I wholeheartedly agree with that statement but I know, it's true. I know I'll never fully understand them, and that will always frustrate me. But I'm getting to the point where I can accept them and see their good. They add a color and flavor, a depth to life that we wouldn't have apart from them. 

He hath made everything beautiful in his time. 

And that includes our feelings. Don't push them aside. Don't try and ignore them. Don't write them off as unimportant. Instead, embrace them. Remember, they're God given. Let yourself get lost in trying to understand them. It's a journey you'll never be able to complete, but it'll be worth every stop along the way. <3 

So. How are you feeling today?